I had a fascinating conversation with a dear friend recently and we wandered into the topic of expectation…Not only the subtle unconscious childhood expectations but also the ones we have developed in our attempts to palliate the fears that lie beneath.
An example might be within a relationship. If there is a fear of abandonment, she meets a man and finds him perfect and then changes herself to be whom she thinks he wants her to be to ensure he does not leave her…He, on the other hand, sees her and thinks she is perfect and is saddened as she changes over the years becoming someone else in the process. Someone he was not attracted to. The result remains potential abandonment despite all the efforts to avoid that very thing.
There is a saying “An expectation is a disappointment waiting to happen. It can be worth exploring the relationships that may have a frisson to them and looking for any expectations you may have of the other – what expectations exist and why do you have them?
Expectations are facets of judgment as they are the expression of what we want or need, hence they come from the ego. Expectations reflect the limitations of the love the person can give and receive. Unconditional love is allowing, gracious and receives in gratitude. Expectations limit our ability to receive the love of another no matter how freely it is given.
Many years ago, I knew a woman in her mid-twenties whose boyfriend proposed to her. She said yes but then refused sex for 4 months because “he didn’t propose in the right way”, the way she expected. They married and divorced within three years.
Like all the insights we glean as we head inwards, there is always a flip side.
Take a relationship, explore your expectations of it in all aspects, visualise how it might be if you allowed it to be just what it is…What freedom lies within.
Releasing expectations leads to peace, calm, stillness, acceptance… (include your own qualities here).
Losing peace, calm, stillness, acceptance… (include your own qualities here)
indicates an expectation somewhere…. a point of self-awareness helping you access the inner world and explore the expectation and all it teaches you.
Good luck…